Sunday, March 26, 2006

The Next Reality Show

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car
and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned
house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects,
cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not
enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for
groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's
appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must
make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the
Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're
about to leave for vacation).

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own
assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable
at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids
are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every
stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making
three lunches.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable
yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed.

The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing. During at least one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, backaches, and have extreme,
unexplained mood swings, but never once complain or slow
down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is
for when the 6-year old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time
at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
He will need to read a book and then pray with the children
each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress
them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by
7:00 They must leave the home with no food on their faces
or clothing.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each
child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and
waiting on them hand and foot until they are better. They must have a loving, age-appropriate reply to, "You're not the boss of me".

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The
last man left wins. . . .but only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he gets to play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

6 Comments:

At 3:05 PM, March 26, 2006, Blogger Spider Walk said...

Omg!! That is great. I didn't realize we as mommies actually did ALL of that...and MORE. I think they should make them work a full or part time on top of all of that too. I bet there would be a mass suicide on that island..lmao!

 
At 10:20 PM, March 26, 2006, Blogger StringMan said...

Impossible. Vote me off the island - NOW! I beg you!

 
At 11:43 PM, March 26, 2006, Blogger Josh said...

LOL!! Yep, there's not gonna be a winner there.

 
At 5:59 PM, March 27, 2006, Blogger Zambo said...

Hey Junebee.

That sounds a lot like hell...

The show could be called "Mr. Mom" and Michael Keaton could host it! (It could resuscitate his career)...

Unfortunately I cannot really offer a good defense or a positive argument for how most men would fare in that situation.

All I can say is that peeing with an erection is no picnic. Oh...and back hair's no fun either...

Great post, Junebee!

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

 
At 8:18 PM, March 27, 2006, Blogger junebee said...

Spider walk: The juggling a job part can be for the championship!

Stringman: Not on your life!

Liz: Sadly, I'm afraid you're right!

Zambo: Actually, there are probably some men that would do just fine. In a way, it's a very sexist post. I thought maybe some of the male commenters would take me to task for it. It was one of those fwd:fwd e-mails. I got it from a fellow martial artist near Orlando.

 
At 7:04 AM, March 28, 2006, Blogger kazumi said...

Bravo!!

And don't forget to mention creating engaging blog entries, reading or keeping up to date with current affairs so the kids aren't all you, sorry, 'the men' talk about...

 

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